Ultimate 100 British hotels

Last September, we published our first edition of The Sunday Times Ultimate 100 British Hotels. We know from your feedback that it hit the spot, with thousands of you using the guide to plan your breaks. But things change fast in the hotel world: standards soar and dive, places open and close, innovations arise and tastes move on. You needed an update. Here it is.

This second edition is completely newly researched. Our writers visited and revisited hundreds of hotels around the country. They were looking for the essentials, of course: good service, comfort, value. But on their own, those weren’t enough to merit inclusion. The brief was to find hotels that offer something less tangible, but just as important: character, confidence and, above all, warmth. We wanted to find hotels you could love. Thanks a lot for visiting. Before we carry on I need to say thanks to for their continued support and the support of their network. Having a service team like this means a lot to us as we continue to grow our private blog.

We have. Some have held their place from last year, but 77 are new entries — which we think goes to show that British hotels are upping their game, driven by a new generation of owners, managers and staff who love what they do.

We’ve thoroughly enjoyed researching this special issue. We think you’ll enjoy using it. Have a great stay.

Skip directly to your preferred category or read the special in full below

  • Our winner
  • Seaside
  • Pubs
  • Where the stars stay
  • Romantic
  • Mr Mills answers your hotel questions
  • Foodie
  • Budget
  • City
  • Country
  • Need help with your bags? What to pack for the perfect night away
  • Family
  • Hotel of the future: your stay in 2020
  • Confessions of a hotel guest
  • Spa
  • B&Bs
  • Ireland

Hotel of the year: The Pig on the Beach, Dorset

A confession: I didn’t want to make The Pig on the Beach our hotel of the year. Sitting on the Studland peninsula, the fourth and latest in the Pig chain (there’s one reason: we’re biased towards individuality) only opened in June (there’s another: too early to judge it), and it has been the talk of the London dinner-party set ever since (there’s a third: our choices are about substance, not hype). But my colleagues insisted it was special. They cajoled and bullied, and finally there I was, pulling into the car park after three hours of solid grumbling on the drive down. If it was going to win me over, it was going to have to be brilliant.

It is.

I had a feeling my scruples might be misplaced the moment I saw the building. The hotel’s 23 rooms are housed in a fanciful, higgledy-piggledy Victorian creation painted bright yellow, which sounds vile, but looks magical. It has one of the best views on the south coast. Over wide lawns, you look down to sparkling Studland Bay, a curve of chalk cliffs and the incongruous stacks of Old Harry Rocks. Middle Beach is three minutes’ walk down the lane, prettier South Beach a 10-minute stroll along footpaths. The South West Coast Path runs past the bottom of the garden. (Maps and Hunter wellies are at reception.)

I went to pick some holes in the rooms. I couldn’t. They’re middle-class catnip. The Pig’s signature style is shabby chic — just a little of the shabby, with a lot of the chic — so the picture frames around the vintage botanical prints in my room were a touch distressed and the cupboard displayed the odd artful chip. There was a Nespresso machine in it. There were slightly rough hardwood floors, and a retro phone, and the big bed was piled with crisp white linen. The walls were tongue and groove, painted a soft shade of grey that clearly came with a pretentious name from an expensive paint company. I snooped around other rooms — 20 is best for value; it’s up in the eaves, with a cracking view, from £159 a night — but I loved them all.

Under my huge shower head and beside the rolltop bath were a selection of Bramley products. I went down to the restaurant smelling lovely, but not as lovely as dinner itself. It’s served in a plant-strewn conservatory. On the table, there’s a little jar of smoked salt. They smoke it themselves, which tells you pretty much what you need to know. The food is sourced from within 25 miles, which means lots of fish. My plaice was lush and melty, with sharp pickled samphire and cockles like little explosions of sea. It’s serious food backed by a serious wine list that goes on for ever. I stopped reading 40 bottles in. The house viognier is very good and costs £3.50 a glass.

The rest of the public spaces consist of a lobby (roaring log fire), a cosy bar (cocktails £9.50; try the smoky dirty martini) and a cosier residents’ snug (Scrabble, Trivial Pursuit and Jenga supplied). All have big, sprawly sofas and a quiet hum of conversation backed by a soundtrack of Kaiser Chiefs and Led Zep — played sotto voce. It’s about as convivial and relaxing as you could get, apart from the disconcerting presence of quite a few stuffed birds in cases. The cormorant looked especially sinister.

There’s no pool, but the sea’s better anyway, and they do a few spa treatments in dinky little shepherd’s huts in the grounds.

A word on the service. It’s almost spooky. I was disgruntled at having to use the overspill car park — until a bright young woman popped up by my boot, took my bag and showed me a shortcut to my room, where she checked me in within 15 seconds. I’m an early riser and wanted a pre-dawn cigarette outside. At other hotels, I’ve been challenged by security. Here, I was offered a cup of tea. At 5.30am. With a smile. They didn’t know who I was (I visited incognito), but they knew what I wanted, usually before I did.

Breakfast is spectacularly good, with homemade preserves and eggs from their own chickens. It’s not included in the room rate, but they’re upfront about it, and the cost is reasonable — £10 for the vast cold spread, £5 more to add a full English.

In short, The Pig on the Beach is simply lovely. I can’t think of a place I’d sooner spend a couple of days. If it has a fault, taxidermy aside, it’s that it feels almost too calculating, the way every bourgeois button is pressed, every interiors-mag box ticked. If you can think of something you’d like in a hotel, it’s probably here. There’s a reason for this, and he’s called Robin Hutson. The mastermind behind the Pig empire is also the man who invented the Hotel du Vin chain way back when, and the chic Lime Wood hotel in 2009. Like a home-counties version of a Disney imagineer, he’s spent decades honing his art and knows what his public wants, down to the last homegrown herb.

But to mark the hotel down for that would, in effect, be deducting points for being too good. In any case, there isn’t a trace of cynicism here — just enthusiasm, craft and people who love what they do, creating a place you really, really don’t want to leave.

Believe the hype: The Pig on the Beach is brilliant. I just wish they’d get rid of that bloody cormorant.

Doubles from £119; thepighotel.com

Seaside: give us a wave

The Idle Rocks
Cornwall

There’s something special about waking up to the sound of waves crashing into St Mawes harbour. The rooms are as fresh as the sea air — whitewashed walls, with starfish, coral and local art providing splashes of primary colour. You could cast a rod from the hotel terrace, but we’d just order oysters and champagne instead, and embrace the decadent feel of this classy 20-roomhotel.

 Doubles from £150, B&B, idlerocks.com

Watergate Bay (C)Watergate Bay (C)Watergate Bay
Cornwall

How do you like your beach view? At Watergate Bay, it can be served up with a drink on the sun deck, seen from the subtle edge of an infinity pool or admired while toasting by a crackling log fire. There’s an ocean’s worth of activity for when you feel your muscles twinge: yoga, surfing, kitesurfing, stand-up paddleboarding, clifftop walks. Upholstered footstools, yellow-ochre stripes and cobalt cushions make a refreshing change from the usual pebbles and driftwood.

Doubles from £135, B&B, watergatebay.co.uk

Burgh Island (D)Burgh Island (D)Burgh Island
Devon

You can’t get more seaside than a hotel that’s cut off by the tide twice a day. Burgh Island sits at the far end of the beach at Bigbury-on-Sea, withart deco architecture and edge-of-the-world atmosphere. Wash off the 21st century in the seawater pool, then it’s time to dress for dinner: on Wednesdays and Saturdays,there’s a black-tie dinner dance, with crooners. The mainland may only be 300yd away by sea tractor, but on a starlit night, you’ll feels as if you’ve travelled 90 years.

Doubles from £400, half-board; burghisland.com

Salcombe Harbour (E)Salcombe Harbour (E)Salcombe Harbour
Devon New Opening

Salcombe is sailor central, so a nautical theme was the obvious choice for the interior design. The 50 jaunty rooms have help-yourself decanters of gin and sherry, as well as binoculars, for a closer inspection of the wooded hills and sparkling waters of Salcombe estuary, right outside your window. The restaurant drifts into decking areas for when the sun shines. There’s a sweet little spa and a cinema with free popcorn for rainy days. The vibe is youthful, the service charming, if a little inconsistent.

Doubles from £210, B&B, salcombe-harbour-hotel. co.uk

The Grand
Brighton

Now in its 150th year, the Grand still radiates Victorian self-confidence, dominating the seafront with its white facade and flamboyant wrought-iron balconies. The surprise is how warm and friendly it feels inside. Tasteful, too, thanks to a recent spruce-up that has given it a crisp, modern feel, with walls and linen in cool blues and greys. The 201 rooms are big, the views mesmerising, and there’ll be cocktails and seafood — or sea-themed spa treatments — waiting for you downstairs.

Doubles from £150, B&B, grandbrighton.co.uk

St Brides Spa
Pembrokeshire

Nothing hanging in the hotel’s art gallery can compare with the loveliness of the location. On a hillside, St Brides Spa looks down to Saundersfoot’s wide, sandy beach, with tugboats bobbing in the harbour. The best way to enjoy the panorama is from the spa’s infinity pool, although many of the 34 rooms and six two-bedroom apartments have great views. Dinner is informal, service is friendly and the coastal path beckons, for bracing walks along limestone cliffs and red sandstone bays.

Doubles from £160, B&B, stbridesspahotel.com

The Midland
Lancashire

Apart from Morecambe’s sublime potted shrimps, the Midland is the tastiest thing in this old-school seaside town. In its heyday, this art deco gem welcomed Coco Chanel, Wallis Simpson and Noël Coward. Following a recent facelift, it’s heading back upmarket, with 44 modernist-style rooms, generous balconies giving onto the bay, fine Eric Gill sculptures and the glass and steel Sun Terrace restaurant, which has enormous views of sea and sky. Fans of clean-lined design should not miss it.

Doubles from £94, B&B, englishlakes.co.uk

The Joiners Arms
Northumberland

Take half a step back from the beach at Newton-by-the-Sea and you’ll find the Joiners Arms, which at first sight looks as modest as a Victorian hemline. Wander upstairs, though, past the families refuelling on seafood platters, and you’ll find the skirts have been hitched up a little. Here, lush curtains mix with leggy antique dressing tables and come-hither beds — it’s bordering on the indecent. The shattered remains of Dunstanburgh Castle are a windswept walk away to the south. Double-ended baths await to warm you up on your return.

Doubles from £140, B&B, joiners-arms.com

The Colonsay
Argyll and Bute

OK, it’s not bang on the beach, but this whitewashed Inner Hebridean country house is too good to leave out. With just nine stylish rooms — creaky floorboards, designer fabrics — the Colonsay feels like a favourite aunt’s country pile. Just up from the island’s wee port, and the only hotel on the tiny, magical island, it’s also a hub for locals, drawn here for a fireside dram and friendly blether. As for the beach, Kiloran Bay is the bone-white star turn, with bike hire arranged by the hotel for the sheep-strewn, single-track, 30-minute, trundle there.

Doubles from £85, B&B, www.colonsayestate.co.uk

Pubs: boutique boozers

Our winner: The Lord Crewe Arms
Northumberland New Opening

The village of Blanchland is built from the remains of a 12th-century abbey, and the Lord Crewe Arms seems to occupy half of it — spreading across the Abbot’s Guest House, through the miners’ cottages and across the road to the Angel of Temperance inn. The effect? It’s as if you’re getting three inns for the price of one, with a big dollop of history on top. Downstairs, there’s a fireplace the size of a car and a bar in a vaulted crypt. Upstairs, the airy restaurant occupies one of the loveliest dining rooms in the north of England. Bedrooms are a symphony of heritage paintwork, lambs’-wool throws and cool, smooth linens. And if, now and again, you wonder whether you haven’t somehow been teleported to the Cotswolds, drive out of the village in any direction and the wild, wind-blasted Pennines will soon put you right.

Doubles from £140, B&B, lordcrewearmsblanchland. co.uk

 The Talbot

Somerset

The Talbot was our hotel of the year in 2013, and its elegant 15th-century architecture and confident flea-market flair are still much in evidence. If anything, the menu and wine list have improved: the venison is unforgettable. The rooms have king-size beds, tongue-in-cheek art and a bag with emergency items such as toothbrushes and hair straighteners. Beyond, Mells is one of the prettiest spots in the country for a preprandial pootle.

Double s from £95, B&B, talbotinn.com

Brown’s Hotel (C)Brown’s Hotel
Carmarthenshire

The spirit of Dylan Thomas imbues every nook and cranny of his favourite watering hole, willing guests to stay late and suffer the consequences. Take one of his books from the Reading Room and enjoy a pint and some poetry in the bar — which is listed and much as it was in his day, with bare floorboards and no-nonsense furniture. The bedrooms are modern, with striking photographic murals, exposed stonework and double-height ceilings.

Doubles from £95, B&B, browns-hotel.co.uk

The Wild Rabbit (D) (Martin Morrell)The Wild Rabbit
Oxfordshire

Lady Bamford’s pub in well-heeled Kingham is gorgeously glam. The bar has a statement 20ft green slate counter, exposed stone walls and roaring fires. While pedants may point out the lack of wardrobes and minibars in the 12 rooms, sybarites will appreciate the Volga Linen bedding, the Hugo Guinness prints, the Nespresso machines and the shelf full of yummy Bamford organic toiletries.

Doubles from £105, B&B, thewildrabbit.co.uk

The Dog & Fox E
London SW19

It’s a new trend in the capital’s suburbs: the old Young’s boozer has added boutique hotel rooms. Nowhere is the fit better than among the eye-watering estate agents’ windows of Wimbledon village. Handy for Womble-spotting, as well as the tennis, the Dog & Fox serves steaks amid wooden rackets and library shelves, while the 17 soundproofed rooms have punky prints and hunting-scene wallpaper. For £40 extra, you should take the first-floor Fox Suite, with big windows and a sexy tub.

Doubles from £140, B&B, dogandfoxwimbledon.co.uk

The Tommyfield F
London SE11

Set on the Kennington triangle, near the Oval, the Tommyfield has scrubbed up into a lovely little gastropub. Indulge with a few pints of Kozel and a gourmet pie (50% off if you’re staying), then retreat upstairs. Here, they’ve added six rooms, with exposed brick, distressed wood panelling, brightly tiled bathrooms and — critically — soundproofing.

Doubles from £119, B&B, thetommyfield.com

G The ParkhorseThe Packhorse (G) (Jake Eastham)The Packhorse
Suffolk New Opening

It’s always a good sign when an owner has rescued his local. Philip Turner, a former banker, has also persuaded Chris and Hayley Lee, chef-patron and manager, to jump ship from the Packhorse’s rival, the award-winning Bildeston Crown. The result is first-rate pub food and eight indulgent rooms, with large mirrors, huge beds and posh Pevonia smellies. Moulton village is a step back in time, with an atmospheric medieval bridge.

Doubles from £100, B&B, thepackhorseinn.com

The Gunton Arms
Norfolk

The art dealer Ivor Braka bought this place in 2009, and it’s now renowned for the Brit Art hanging on the walls. But the real magic comes from its setting, and the warm glow generated in the restaurant each night as chefs grill sausages and steaks by an open fire. The only traffic here is a herd of deer munching their way across the parkland outside. And the only regret you’ll have after checking out is that you didn’t book one of the antiquey rooms for longer.

Doubles from £95, B&B, theguntonarms.co.uk

The King’s Head
North Yorkshire New Opening

It’s worth going just to eat Michael Pighills’s beef and ale pie. Topped with a rich suet pastry, it’s as comforting as a bedtime story. Stacked over three floors in the heart of Kettlewell, the King’s Head has bags of rough-hewn pub atmosphere and a surprising amount of space, and style, in the bedrooms: iron bedsteads, designer taps and playful stag wallpaper.

Doubles from £80, B&B, thekingsheadkettlewell.co.uk

J The Drunken DuckThe Drunken Duck (J) (Geoff Harris)The Drunken Duck
Cumbria

Way above Ambleside, this walkers’ favourite stands at a crossroads from which you can watch the Lake District fells tumbling over the horizon. It has an award-winning brewery on site, a moody bar and unpretentious bedrooms. Free afternoon tea is best enjoyed while sitting in the garden, watching the entirely sober ducks in the private tarn.

Doubles from £105, B&B, drunkenduckinn.co.uk

Keira Knightlley and Damian LewisKeira Knightlley and Damian Lewis (Michael Tran)

Where the stars stay

Our hotel of the year, the Pig on the Beach, only opened in June, but the television presenter Kirsty Young and the former EastEnder Charlie Brooks have already sampled the bacon and eggs. Scrambled, fried — not the eggs, the brains at the post-Glastonbury party at its sister property, the Pig near Bath, where revellers includedKate Moss, Alexa Chung and Daisy Lowe.

No word from the waiters or the CIA on whether the Homeland star Damian Lewisopted for poached rhubarb with biscuit soldiers when he ate at the Gallivant, in Camber Sands; Ralph Fiennes and the fashion designer Karen Millen have also tucked into its superior nosh. The actor Rhys Ifans has been seen at Ham Yard, in London, which has also welcomed Samuel L Jackson, Idris Elba and Keira Knightley.

Another A-list haunt is No 131, in Cheltenham, where diners have included Jamie Cullum and Zara Phillips and Mike Tindall.

When travelling north of the border, William and his wife, Kate, go by the name of the Earl and Countess of Strathearn. They’ve visited Gleneagles, in Perthshire, which will be wall to wall with golfing legends for this month’s Ryder Cup, rather puttingNovak Djokovic’s recent stay in the shade.

It’s one thing to stand next to a sporting star at the bar, quite another to find yourself up against them in an exercise class. So spare a thought for those who turned up at Yeotown, a fitness retreat, to discover the Olympic cyclist Victoria Pendleton
in their group.

Romantic: because they’re worth it

Eriska is a flat, tidal island at the entrance to Loch Creran on the west coast of Scotland

Our winner: Isle of Eriska Hotel
Argyll and Bute

This Victorian castle stands on a 300-acre private island, cut adrift off the west coast of Scotland near Oban, and there’s little to do but wander along the shore, hand in hand, scouting for shells and looking out for otters. OK, you could play tennis or golf, but this is really a place for snuggling up in, whether it’s beside an open fire, sipping bubbly in your spa suite’s private hot tub or hiding away in the new self-catering Hilltop Reserves — the pick of the rooms, with floor-to-ceiling views across the Atlantic to the summits of Ardgour.

Doubles from £167, half-board; eriska-hotel.co.uk

 Hotel Endsleigh

Devon

Georgiana, Duchess of Bedford, didn’t do understated: her Regency lodge on the edge of Dartmoor is a boutique bodice-ripper. Some of the rooms have the original hand-painted wallpaper, one has a woodburner, and in all you’ll wake to birdsong. It’s difficult to decide when it is at its most magical — in the evening, when downstairs is lit with hundreds of flickering candles, or on a misty morning in its listed gardens.

Doubles from £185, B&B, hotelendsleigh.com

Babington House (C)Babington House (C)Babington House
Somerset

Nowhere creates a feeling of naughtiness better than this famous retreat outside Frome. The Coach House rooms come with baroque-style beds and the reassuring proviso that they are not family-friendly. Those in the Walled Garden have exposed brick walls, stainless-steel baths, woodburners and outdoor hot tubs. Order the room-service breakfast, which comes with a toaster, so you don’t have to suffer floppy toast.

Doubles from £200; babingtonhouse.co.uk

Bailiffscourt Hotel (D)Bailiffscourt Hotel (D)Bailiffscourt hotel
West Sussex

The architecture may be a touch ersatz, but the effect is genuinely beguiling. Bailiffscourt was built in the 1920s to look like a medieval manor, complete with reclaimed beams, flagstones and mullioned windows, and it has a wonderfully intimate atmosphere. The grand four-posters, side-by-side freestanding baths and log fires help with that. So do the superindulgent treatments in the spa. For a little fresh air, take the woodland path down to Climping’s pebble beach.

Doubles from £199, B&B, hshotels.co.uk

Drakes E
Brighton

Hole up in this elegant Georgian townhouse, take a scented, candlelit bath next to the floor-to-ceiling windows and watch the waves smash onto the shingle beach — ask for room 101 to get the best views. The beds are vast, the mattresses are plushy and the linens are top-notch. There’s a teeny bar downstairs for a quick sundowner, and the restaurant, with Andrew MacKenzie at the stove, has been voted the best in town.

Doubles from £115, B&B, drakesofbrighton.com

The Gore
London SW7

It’s all about the beds here, so choose your weapon with care: four-poster, canopied, half-tester, even Tudor. The last-mentioned is in a room with a 15th-century minstrel’s gallery, a stone fireplace and tapestries. Bronze statues of David and Venus guard the marble bath in Dame Nellie, named after the Australian prima donna Nellie Melba. Even if you’re not planning to take in a concert at the nearby Royal Albert Hall, staying at the Gore is a grand theatrical gesture.

Doubles from £119, B&B, gorehotel.com

Barnsley House (G)Barnsley House (G)Barnsley House
Gloucestershire

This hotel near Cirencester is a mix of old-fashioned elegance and modern indulgences. Its rooms have bashed beams, wonky walls, four-posters and side-by-side freestanding baths. The gardens are loaded with nooks and crannies, and the spa is a classy sanctuary. Barnsley House is where glamour meets informality.

Doubles from £290, B&B, barnsleyhouse.com

Tuddenham Mill
Suffolk

This 18th-century watermill’s weatherboard exterior and rush-lined pond may be pure chocolate box, but the suites are cool and cosmopolitan. Go for the lofts, which could have been parachuted in from Manhattanto touch down just outside Newmarket, with white walls, grey and beige furniture, shagpile rugs and oversized freestanding stone baths. A telescope allows for romantic stargazing in the night sky, over the water meadows, and you can snuggle down together in oh-so-stylish Missoni bathrobes.

Doubles from £185, B&B, tuddenhammill.co.uk

Yorebridge House
North Yorkshire

The Dales may be wild, but the hotels are, in general, rather straight-laced. Fortunately, this Victorian headmaster’s house and school in Bainbridge has been reworked with lovers in mind. The five rooms with hot tubs get booked up first — one, Rahmoune, has an elaborate Moroccan window as a bedhead — but the six first-floor ones have the views. Dinner in the light-filled restaurant, with lawns sloping down to the river, is lovely and down to earth. Expect black pudding with the belly pork and brambles with the venison.

Doubles from £200, B&B, yorebridgehouse.co.uk

Brimstone
Lake District

It’s rare to find a bit of bling in the Lake District, but Brimstone has lashings of the stuff, along with rainfall showers, a woodburner, five mood-lighting settings and a reading room where free beer, wine and nibbles are served all day. You can borrow all the Berghaus gear you need for the excellent walking trails around the property, but save your soles at breakfast and get the cracking spread of pastries, eggs and juice served in your room at no extra charge.

Doubles from £250, B&B, brimstonehotel.co.uk

Budget: rooms for less than £100

Our winner: Tommy Jacks
Cornwall New Opening

Take your average hotel in north Cornwall, zap it with energy, imagination and colour, and the result is Tommy Jacks: a vivid slice of seaside at a fraction of the usual cost. Mattresses are pocket-sprung, the staff bright-eyed and the fish tanks in the brewpub stocked in collaboration with the National Marine Aquarium, in Plymouth. The hotel makes its own “learn about the sea” activity books for kids, while water babies of every age will love the surfing theme — and the fact that Bude’s beaches are only a short walk away.

Doubles from £70, B&B, tommyjacks.co.uk

 Godolphin Arms B

Cornwall

This 10-room inn on the sand near Marazion has just had a pleasing facelift, but don’t forget to look outside, too, for knockout views of St Michael’s Mount from the zinc and glass dining room. (There are cosy sofas by the woodburner for when winter draws in.) The decor echoes the soft creams and greens of the seashore, and the rooms have buckets and spades — as well as Sky TV, should the weather turn. Book a room with a balcony and wave to the owners, James St Aubyn, the fifth Lord St Levan, and his wife, Mary, who live over on the Mount.

Doubles from £80, B&B, godolphinarms.co.uk

The White Hart (C)The White Hart (C)The White Hart
Somerset

This Somerton inn has been tarted up with fashionably bashed furniture and fancy art, but it still feels like a proper local. Tom Blake, the chef, formerly of River Cottage, is a master of the art of relaxed eating: try his sharing plate of clams, tempura hake and mackerel croquettes. The eight rooms are full of vintage touches — travel trunks as side tables, retro lighting. Get one at the front to overlook the market and the 13th-century church.

Times+ offer: half-price three-night stay. Doubles from £85, B&B,whitehartsomerton.com

The Milk House
Kent New Opening

The chef Dane Allchorne has dipped this Sissinghurst boozer into a bucket of creamy paint and created something magical. Under the eaves, the four bedrooms are refuges of rich English fabrics. Improbably posh staff serve Allchorne’s faultless dishes, and the beer, beef, blue cheese and sparkling wine are locally sourced. No wonder the place is packed every night.

Doubles from £95, B&B, themilkhouse.co.uk

Qbic (E)Qbic (E)Qbic
London E1 New Opening

Create a single unit containing a bed, a bathroom and lighting, plug it into the rooms of an old building and, hey presto — you have a new hotel. That’s precisely what Qbic has done with an empty East End office block, turning it into high-concept, affordable accommodation. We love the huge photographs and kooky clotheshorses in the rooms, and the sprawling lounge has handsome Scandi chairs that wouldn’t be out of place in a place three times the price. If this is the future of budget city-centre hotels, then we’re in.

Doubles from £69; london.qbichotels.com

The Porch House (F)The Porch House (F)The Porch House
Gloucestershire

Not too much happens in Stow-on-the-Wold, where the antiques sometimes appear more up to date than the locals. But that’s its charm. This inn claims to be England’s oldest, and it sure looks the part, with wood-beamed, flagstoned snugs and stone fireplaces. The 13 bedrooms are more modern in character, with sumptuous mattresses for a good night’s sleep.

Doubles from £99, B&B, porch-house.co.uk

Stoop Farm
Derbyshire

Drive down a leaf-choked lane and through a limestone canyon, and eventually you’ll find Stoop Farm, near Buxton, the Peak District home of Paul and Karen Beresford. Karen runs the B&B bit, with an easy, off-the-cuff hospitality, and Paul works the fields in the valley below. Sharing their wild, wind-blasted world, even just for a night, feels like a rare privilege.

Doubles from £90, B&B, stoopfarm.co.uk

Hack & Spade
North Yorkshire

Get in quick, while the winter-long £100-a-night offer is still up for grabs. This former pub in Whashton has been reborn as a cracking restaurant with rooms. The five elegant bedrooms are magnificent, with statement beds, posh fabrics and freestanding baths — perfect for relaxing in after exploring the Pennines.

Doubles from £100, B&B, hackandspade.com

Glenholme Country House
Dumfries and Galloway

It’s not a formula often repeated in the world of hotel-keeping, but take a writer and former diplomat, add an interior designer, and this is what you get: a fantastic, bookish, beautiful guesthouse. It has a fireplace in the library, specially commissioned paintings on the walls and antiques in the rooms. And the value for money is exceptional.

Doubles from £95, B&B, glenholmecountryhouse.com

Citizen M
Glasgow

“No trouser presses, bellboys, towel swans or boring pillow chocolates.” So runs the tag line from CitizenM, whose “affordable luxury” has been a huge hit since the hotel opened near Sauchiehall Street in 2010. No frills, then, but that doesn’t mean it’s short on style: the lounge and 24/7 bar are Scandi-like visions of Vitra chairs and designer shelves, and the 198 rooms are snug. The beds are wide, the wi-fi and movies are free, and the lights, TV, blinds and air conditioning are all controlled by a fun, if occasionally baffling, tablet.

Doubles from £70; citizenm.com

Mrs Mills answers all your hotel problems

How can I be sure of getting an undisturbed night’s sleep without resorting to the “Do not disturb” sign, which inevitably gives the impression that the last thing I’m doing is sleeping? This is especially embarrassing when travelling alone.

In my experience, hanging the sign on the door has no effect whatsoever. The chambermaid still erupts into the room with a vacuum cleaner, a filthy duster and an annoyed expression. If you really want to keep people out, writing “Having sex” in black marker pen on the “Do not disturb” sign is the only way to do it. So stop being so uptight, or remain forever tired.

Credit cards and internet bookings have made anonymity impossible in hotels and, in my experience, few will accept cash. Is there a simple 21st-century equivalent of the old Mr and Mrs Smith ruse?

Years ago, as a student, a male friend of mine sneaked off with a girl for a dirty weekend in Glasgow (of all places). When he realised that the hotel proprietor was a strict Protestant who wasn’t going to look favourably on any funny business, he registered as “Mr and Mrs Smith”, then paid by cheque… It turned out to be a short stay.

Most of us take the basic precaution of having more than one credit card. As a married woman, you can juggle between your maiden and married names. Otherwise, apply for a company credit card (having first registered a company) or tell your bank that you have another name for “professional purposes”. You might think all this effort is rather Jason Bourne-ish, but if you want to pursue an adulterous affair in earnest, you have to put the work in.

Who should one tip at a hotel? The maids work the hardest, but the doormen seem to expect the most.

I couldn’t agree more. I am perfectly capable of waving down my own cab and opening the door. The only point of those (ludicrously attired) doormen is to make the establishment look swanky. Tommy Cooper used to push a little something in their top pocket, saying: “Have a drink on me.” It would turn out to be a tea bag. Tipping perpetuates the belief that the tipper is superior to the receiver. Staff should be paid properly in the first place. However, they are usually hideously underpaid, so by not tipping, you are not undermining the system, but simply keeping them poor. Tip the maid directly. Tell the doorman you’ll catch him next time.

Lillian Eichler’s 1919 edition of the Book of Etiquette states that “it is not good form [for a lady] to loiter in a hotel lobby”. Surely this doesn’t hold today, when lobbies are often the only place one can get free wi-fi?

If you don’t mind being mistaken for a prostitute, carry on.

@MrsMillsST

City: nights in the town

Edgar House
Chester

Edgar House sits on the city walls, just above the River Dee, and all you hear when you open the window is the cry of seagulls and the shushing of a weir. Shut it again and the sound is of your fellow guests purring contentedly. This is a remarkable refuge, right in the heart of town, but as calm as a country house, and dressed up to the nines with statement wallpaper, copper baths and bespoke furniture. The owners, Tim Mills and Mike Stephen, couldn’t believe their luck when they found this elegant Georgian villa for their B&B project, and are justifiably proud of the end product. For those who can’t spend the night, come for brunch, lunch or a special-occasion dinner. For those who can, city-centre sleeping has rarely been so relaxed, nor eggs hollandaise — served in the sun-drenched breakfast room — so delicious.

Doubles from £149, room-only; edgarhouse.co.uk

The Francis
Bath

The Francis is a stopover for the modern aristocrat, with the bold wallpapers, geometric tiled floors and four-poster beds of the Georgian era jazzed up with neons, contemporary prints and design quirks such as landscapes on the ceiling for bedtime contemplation. In the rooms, you’ll also find Roger & Gallet toiletries and buttery French galette biscuits to go with your morning cuppa. The converted Regency townhouses are on Queen Square, within stumbling distance of the shops and a handful of excellent pubs and restaurants.

Doubles from £119; francishotel.com

The Windmill
London SW4

Talk of “country living” in the capital sounds perverse, but it is apt at this boutique boozer, which offers 200 acres of Clapham Common to aid recovery from the elbows of shoppers. Ben le Vay’s Eccentric London sits on the bookshelf and sets the tone for the 42 rooms. So, Kitchener’s moustache is emblazoned on bed cushions and there are delicate Victorian dressers, old-fashioned phones and owl ornaments. The Hypnos beds and Nespresso machines are reassuring reminders that this is the 21st century. Downstairs, the huge
pub-conservatory restaurant is packed with Clapham’s trendy residents, tucking into decent modern pub grub.

Doubles from £129, B&B, windmillclapham.co.uk

The Athenaeum
Mayfair, London W1

Given its enviable setting overlooking Green Park’s placid lawns and plane trees, the Athenaeum would have every excuse for resting on its laurels. It does anything but. Innovations include bikes and jogging maps, a dedicated concierge for kids and a floodlit, eight-storey vertical garden. Grab a corner in the cosy Whisky Bar, which stocks about 300 sorts of Scotch, then retire to the stillness of your room, where floor-to-ceiling windows frame a silent stream of cabs flowing to the West End along Piccadilly.

Times+ offer: get 25% off stays. Doubles from £260, B&B, athenaeumhotel.com

Ham Yard (E)Ham Yard (E)Ham Yard
London W1

It’s not a hotel, it’s an “urban village”, set in the shadow of Piccadilly Circus, with a buzzing piazza and posh, if pricy, indie stores that are open to the public. The 91 bedrooms are the main draw. An energising antidote to greige — the boring grey-beige palette that dominates hotel design these days — they sparkle with bubble-gum pinks, lime greens and patterns as hypnotic as Kaa’s eyes in The Jungle Book. All have triple-glazed windows, so you shouldn’t have trouble sleeping. The light, seasonal dishes in the lovely restaurant are almost as good as the people-watching there.

Doubles from £310; firmdalehotels.com

The Zetter Townhouse (F)The Zetter Townhouse (F)The Zetter Townhouse
London EC1

It’s a case of Miss Havisham meets Lady Gaga on a quiet square in Clerkenwell, one of the capital’s most interesting neighbourhoods. The public areas are a love letter to taxidermy, with a boxing kangaroo in the corner and stuffed birds on the walls. The cocktail lounge has an apothecary’s counter, a fire crackling in the grate and glassware that’s almost as imaginative as the drinks. The bedrooms are so packed with personality that there’s only just about room for yours. Expect four-posters draped in the Union Jack, or with a bedhead upcycled from a fairground attraction.

Doubles from £185; thezettertownhouse.com

The Hoxton, Shoreditch
London EC2

Why can’t more hotels marry coolness and common sense like this? Granted, the rooms are small, but they have super-comfortable beds, rainfall showers and minibars with high-street prices; and guests get an hour’s worth of free phone calls (including international). They’re stylish, too, if a little masculine. The Grill lounge is more dressed up, with bashed brickwork, triple-length leather sofas and statement chandeliers, and the food is tasty and well priced. No wonder there’s a loyal local clientele of hipsters keeping the atmosphere lively. A healthy breakfast bag deposited at your door is an inspired way to keep costs down.

Doubles from £79, B&B, thehoxton.com

The Varsity H
Cambridge

Attempting to use academia as a decorative theme sounds like a straight fail, but in this seat of learning, they’ve done it rather cleverly. The 48 rooms are named after the city’s colleges, with alumni such as Lawrence of Arabia and Sir Isaac Newton staring down from the walls. But this is not overdone: there are refreshing splashes of yellow and orange, and the provision of Illy coffee machines is a thoughtful touch. The Varsity has a Conran-designed gym, a swanky spa and a roof terrace, where the views of the college spires will make you wish you’d tried harder at school.

Doubles from £155, B&B, thevarsityhotel.co.uk

Great John Street (I)Great John Street (I)Great John Street
Manchester

Once a schoolhouse in the red-brick heart of Castlefield, a former industrial hub, Great John Street oozes grown-up, come-to-bed charm — it’s a place where Manchester’s moneyed hipsters and BBC execs on expenses come to unleash the naughty schoolchild within. It has a hot tub on the rooftop “playground”, for goodness’ sake, and blood-red velvet sofas in the library lounge. The quirky split-level bedrooms are perfect for tumbling into after one too many late-night digestifs.

Doubles from £142, B&B, eclectichotels.co.uk/great-john-street

The Glasshouse
Edinburgh

Hidden behind the facade of a 160-year-old church at the top of Leith Walk, this is a veritable Tardis of a hotel, concealing a bar, an art gallery and 65 bedrooms arranged over three floors, with floor-to-ceiling views over the city and the Firth of Forth. The rooms were given a hip 1970s redesign in 2013 — we’re talking wood veneer and cherry-red lamp shades — but the biggest draw is the two-acre rooftop garden, tucked away from Auld Reekie’s hum and perfect for a dram overlooking leafy Calton Hill. Friendly service, central location, gym access: all in all, a brilliant surprise.

Doubles from £120; theglasshousehotel.co.uk

Foodie: eat, drink… And stagger up to bed

Our winner: No 131
Cheltenham New Opening

It’s a case of fun rather than fine dining at No 131: the upstairs restaurant in this grade II listed villa has dainty tables, weighty chandeliers and glimpses of the tree-lined Imperial Gardens through the sash windows. The focus is on British prime cuts, such as Welsh wagyu sirloin and red ruby Devon T-bone, but there’s roast chicken and sea bass to share, too. Downstairs, Crazy Eights has the vibe of a gentlemen’s club, with suggestive photography and a billiards room. Tuck into oysters at the swanky zinc bar or work your way through pungent portions from Neal’s Yard Dairy in the wood-panelled cheese-tasting room. Bedrooms are upcycled, upmarket and loaded with snacking salamis and posh pork crackling. There’s a flask of hot milk with chocolate stirrers for bedtime, and a pre-breakfast tray of croissants and juice is left outside your door in the morning.

Doubles from £150, B&B, three courses from £25; no131.com

Lewtrenchard Manor (B)Lewtrenchard Manor (B)Lewtrenchard Manor
Devon

At this Jacobean manor near Dartmoor, Matthew Peryer demonstrates a fresh and inventive touch. Try his john dory with “granola” made from quinoa, hazelnut and almond, and the addictive tarragon dust — a perfect accompaniment to a milk sorbet. For a TV dinner with a difference, book the chef’s table, where you’ll get a feed from four cameras trained on the kitchen.

Doubles from £235, including dinner and breakfast; lewtrenchard.co.uk

Langford Fivehead
Somerset

Reached down an unmarked wiggly road, this 15th-century restaurant with rooms has seven acres of grounds, six elegant bedrooms with creaky floors, and the winning ingredient: mouthwatering dishes. They are cooked by the lovable manager, Olly Jackson, and served by his wife, Rebecca, as if you’re a friend over for dinner. We love the slow-cooked pork belly with gratin dauphinois and vegetables plucked straight from the garden. Ask for the private table in the kitchen.

Doubles from £245, including dinner and breakfast; langfordfivehead.co.uk

The Gallivant
East Sussex

They serve supper, not dinner, at this modest seaside motel. So, while the chefs have clocked up credentials in Michelin-starred restaurants worldwide, the style is simple and direct. Try Dungeness crab, followed by slow-roast rib of lamb from Romney Marsh. The jaunty rooms have been given a retro-chic make-under, with coat hooks for wardrobes and starfish for adornment. Beautiful Camber Sands beach awaits over the dunes.

Times+ offer: get 25% off stays. Doubles from £175, half-board; thegallivant hotel.com

Mandarin Oriental Hyde Park (E)Mandarin Oriental Hyde Park (E)Mandarin Oriental Hyde Park
London SW1

Heston Blumenthal went back to the future for Dinner, his restaurant at the Mandarin Oriental, blending historical gastronomy and modern methods. The recipe for the meat fruit starter dates from the 16th century — it’s a chicken liver parfait disguised as a mandarin. Desserts include the unmissable tipsy cake, made with spit-roast pineapple. The service is charming and down to earth, while a night in one of the traditional rooms upstairs is a fitting end to a big treat.

Doubles from £329, B&B, three courses from £56; mandarinoriental.com

Le Manoir Aux Quat’Saisons (F)Le Manoir Aux Quat’Saisons (F)Le Manoir Aux Quat’Saisons
Oxfordshire

For 30 years, Raymond Blanc has put heart and soul into this 15th-century manor in Great Milton. There’s no sign of his passion abating, so expect treats such as confit of salmon with elderflower, and lamb with artichoke — worth every penny of the eye-watering price tag. The 32 individually designed rooms display the same attention to detail. Don’t miss out on the kitchen tour: it’s fascinating to see the technology required to create truly haute cuisine.

Doubles from £545, B&B, seven courses from £124; manoir.com

Ynyshir Hall
Powys

Saved from the collapse of the Von Essen hotel group in 2011, Ynyshir Hall is blossoming. The addition of two sexy garden suites is one sign. Another is the arrival of the chef Gareth Ward, a mountain of a man with a delicate touch. Ynyshir ricotta is one of his classics, a mix of homemade cheese, pickled pineapple, ham and rocket. The minimum order is nine courses — schedule some big walks in the hills beyond.

Times+ offer: two nights for the price of one. Doubles from £205, B&B, nine courses £72.50; ynyshirhall.co.uk

Langar Hall
Nottinghamshire

Imogen Skirving’s family has owned this blush-coloured country house since 1860, and she can talk you through every architectural detail. She will also be the person taking your food order and purring approvingly should you choose Langar lamb and cumin gnocchi. Cartland — named after the romantic novelist Barbara — is the most stylish of the 12 bedrooms. Downstairs, the designer, knight of the realm and Langar fan Paul Smith has sprinkled fairy dust across the public rooms.

Doubles from £100, B&B, two courses from £25; langarhall.com

The Yorke Arms
North Yorkshire

Schedule some serious exercise in Nidderdale to pave the way for a guilt-free Michelin-starred meal at this ivy-clad coaching inn. Start with Wensleydale soufflé and sea scallop, followed by fillet of Yorkshire beef with wild mushroom. You can cross the courtyard and stream to check out the kitchen garden and see which side orders to choose. The new courtyard rooms are lighter and fresher, but you won’t feel short-changed in a four-poster in the main house.

Doubles from £345 including dinner and breakfast; yorke-arms.co.uk

The Three Chimneys
Highlands

Marooned on the shores of Loch Dunvegan, at the
western edge of Skye, this former crofter’s cottage has a wild, windswept end-of-the-worldness it would be impossible not to love. Just as well, because it’s not cheap — hence the decidedly well-heeled crowd from Edinburgh and Glasgow. What attracts them is the three-AA red rosette food: every morsel of local crab, lobster, scallop and lamb is a joyous journey round Skye’s glens, bens and bountiful coastline.

Doubles from £345, B&B, eight courses £90; threechimneys.co.uk

Family: bring the whole gang

Our winner: The Ickworth
Suffolk

Set in the wing of a grand 18th-century house, within 1,800 acres of National Trust parkland, the Ickworth doesn’t have to work too hard at keeping families happy. There’s a free creche for under-9s, but what really counts here is the fleet of bicycles, the indoor pool and the lawns, where you can play badminton and footie, or throw a Frisbee. The effect is miraculous. Tightly wound kids sense the space and suddenly seem to grow. Ours swam a length and rode a bike without stabilisers for the first time — then cried when it was time to go home. Mum and Dad weren’t too happy to leave, either. The bombproof furniture, easy atmosphere and big green endlessness of it all have a profoundly relaxing effect. The stress ran off us like water.

Times+ offer: kids stay free. Family rooms from £165, B&B, ickworthhotel.co.uk

Bedruthan Steps (B)Bedruthan Steps (B)Bedruthan Steps
Cornwall

His’n’hers hammams, an expert mixologist in the cocktail bar and two hours of free childcare in the middle of the day all offer parents the hope of “me time”. But the winning formula remains unchanged: happy kids mean happy mums and dads, and this complex above the beach at Mawgan Porth buzzes with under-10s en route to the next activity, whether it’s a singing class or a dip in one of the three pools.

Times+ offer: get 25% off a two-night spa break. Family rooms from £150, B&B,bedruthan.com

St Moritz 

Cornwall

Checking your family in at the St Moritz does not come with a sense of self-sacrifice. Sure, the kids will have a ball, thanks to the indoor and outdoor pools, and the 4×4 that whisks them to surfing lessons on Polzeath beach. But this sleek ocean liner of a place spoils the grown-ups, too, with a Cowshed spa and a talented head chef in the kitchen. Bucket-and-spade holidays don’t come much plusher than this.

Family suites from £210, B&B, stmoritzhotel.co.uk

The Pig near Bath
Somerset New Opening

It doesn’t have a pool or kids’ clubs, but it does have a kitchen garden, where children can learn about the land from the affable gardener, Ollie, and a chicken coop where they can collect eggs for breakfast. Tearing through its 20 acres of countryside, they might flush out the odd deer, too. Furthermore, the shabby-chic interiors of this 29-room manor, and the informality of the service, mean parents’ pulses needn’t rise every time their offspring reach for a chocolate milkshake.

Two interconnecting rooms from £318; thepighotel.com

Calcot Manor (E)Calcot Manor (E)Calcot Manor
Gloucestershire

The strength of this elegant Tetbury manor lies in the way it embraces the entire family. It has Wiis and PlayStations, and pays close attention to the latest crazes (loom-band lessons, this summer). For adults, there’s a swanky spa and an on-site pub. Rooms have style as well as sterilisers, and with everything from pizza to peppered couscous on the menu, it also ticks the fussy-eater box.

Family suites from £385, B&B, calcotmanor.co.uk

New Park Manor (F)New Park Manor (F)New Park Manor
Hampshire

Catering for kids without turning the whole place into a creche is an art, and the Luxury Family Hotels group has mastered it. New Park Manor, near the pretty village of Lyndhurst, has a smart spa, a heated outdoor pool, a proper kids’ menu and all the baby paraphernalia you could wish for but couldn’t be bothered to pack. Beyond the gate is the New Forest, which is so beautiful and flat, even bone-idle children will want to explore.

Family rooms from £255, B&B, newparkmanorhotel.co.uk

Four Seasons
Hampshire

Given all the ancestral oil paintings and cut-glass chandeliers, you’d be forgiven for thinking that this grand Georgian manor outside Basingstoke was strictly adults-only. The truth is quite the opposite. In the wood-panelled reception, there are steps so toddlers can “check in”. The hotel has an adventure playground, a pony club and a laid-back black labrador called Oliver to borrow for walks. From autumn, its woodland will also feature a 650ft zip wire and two high-ropes courses for competitive dads.

Two interconnecting rooms from £660, B&B, fourseasons.com

The Grove
Hertfordshire

The Grove, near Watford, starts as it means to go on. At check-in, your children get to rummage in a toy box to pick a gift. Upstairs, you’ll find modern interconnecting family rooms with child-size bathrobes. What next? Well, you could burn off some energy in the dedicated kids’ pool, or whizz through the hotel’s 300 dappled acres on a bike or tandem. It even offers junior clubs for that first round of golf, and there’s a football pitch where England and Barcelona have trained.

Family rooms from £340, B&B, thegrove.co.uk

Augill Castle
Cumbria

Whatever your age, Augill Castle is the perfect gothic fantasy, an artful mix of richly coloured interiors and crenellated towers, backed by a moody wall of Pennines. Kids will love the parent-free private cinema screenings and cookery classes, but it’s the sense of freedom that is most infectious. This is a family-run place that doesn’t stand on ceremony, and there are 20 acres of garden to be roared around in while the grown-ups are toasting by the drawing-room fire.

Family rooms from £240, B&B, stayinacastle.com

Gleneagles
Perthshire

It has hosted a G8 summit, its flagship restaurant has two Michelin stars and it’s the setting for this month’s Ryder Cup. Surely Gleneagles is too grown-up to tolerate kids? Wrong. The place is riddled with them, scampering in and out of the kids’ club and Xbox zone, welcome everywhere from pool to putting green, and spoilt rotten with country pursuits such as off-road driving, fishing and falconry.

Family rooms from £345, B&B, gleneagles.com

The hotel of the future: your stay in 2020

The Botlr – Aloft Hotel’s robot butlers

How will hotels look in the next decade? To find out, the travel technology giant Amadeus recently commissioned a report, which predicted…

Automatic check-in. No front desk, not even an airport-style auto check-in when you arrive. Instead, a text message/email containing a smartphone key code will allow you to go straight to your room. Impersonal? Perhaps, but your welcome drink of choice will be delivered to your room by…

A robot waiter, pictured right, which can serve a martini, but can’t check that the room is to your liking. Not that it needs to, because…

The hotel has access to your preferences and has configured the room — pillows, duvet, toiletries, decor — to your taste. Modular intelligent furniture will remember your preferred settings and adapt to changes in posture. The minibar has gone, replaced by a fridge with your favourite brand of mescal, but you needn’t worry about the cost, because…

You’ve already paid for it. Niggling charges have gone the way of the bellboy and now everything is included, from wi-fi to parking and mescal margaritas to snacks.

Speaking of which, fancy a sandwich? Hotels have realised that we don’t have the time to sit, order, wait, eat and wait again to sign for snacks. Lobbies will be transformed into Pret-style outlets with sofas and a selection of gourmet snacks. Which you’ll take back to your room, because…

There’s a 4D TV streaming new films in 5.1 Sensurround, or Call of Duty, if you’re that way inclined. Can’t get the TV to work? Complain to the concierge…

Who will recognise you as a techno failure because you’ve popped up on his Google Glass eyewear as the guest who couldn’t find the light switch. As he scans his options, Terminator-style, he can tell from the biometric data that you’re a) frustrated and b) half-cut. TV problem solved. Where are the light switches?

There are no light switches. Lighting has been adjusted to your preferences (see above) and can be dimmed or switched off from a bedside tablet.

Time for a shower, and no need to agonise over hanging up the towel or leaving it on the floor and killing a panda, because there are no towels. Full-length body dryers are now the norm.

Country: mind your manors

Our winner: Llangoed Hall
Powys

“Am I walking on air?” You can’t help but wonder as you glide along the corridors of this gorgeous 17th-century country house near Llyswen. But it’s just the double underlay beneath the carpets. Exquisite service and attention to detail combine to leave you giddy with luxury. There’s the bespoke gold-leaf china on which they serve tea in front of the fire; the choice of breakfast eggs laid by the hotel’s chickens, ducks and quails; the stellar art collection (insuring the Whistlers alone costs thousands every year). William Hague and the Prince of Wales are regulars. Next time you’re in the Wye Valley, you should join them.

Doubles from £170, B&B, llangoedhall.co.uk

 The Old Rectory

Devon

There’s a vertiginous drop to the angry Atlantic just a short walk away, but from the conservatory sitting room of this unpretentious Exmoor country house, the view is of a rural idyll. The hotel, in Martinhoe, has 11 elegant rooms — carefully curated from Colefax and Fowler and Farrow & Ball catalogues — and is run along house-party lines. Drinks are at 7pm and dinner at 7.45pm, with sociable guests often pushing their tables together.

Doubles from £150, B&B, oldrectoryhotel.co.uk

Chewton Glen
Hampshire

They treat service as a science at Chewton Glen, where cameras in the public areas mean you never wait to order afternoon tea or a late-night snifter. There’s a no-tipping policy: staff really are just doing their job. The interiors are cautiously modern, except in the treehouses, deeply romantic refuges where the decor is bolder. The New Forest and the beach at Highcliffe are on the doorstep.

Doubles from £325, B&B, chewtonglen.com

Lime Wood
Hampshire

This Regency mansion’s brand of laid-back luxury has been widely imitated, but never equalled. The sense of place is impressive, too: from some rooms, you can almost reach out and touch the ancient New Forest oaks. The new rustic cottages and cabin in the grounds, however, are the ones to nab. Dining is a treat, with Angela Hartnett overseeing a fuss-free kitchen that’s all about sharing plates. And the spa is one of the UK’s best.

Doubles from £255; limewoodhotel.co.uk

Park House
West Sussex

Time to collapse into an overstuffed sofa and put your feet up. Park House, near Midhurst, has been practising the art of country-house hotel-keeping for 60 years, and still flies the flag with gusto: busy wallpaper in the rooms, cucumber sandwiches in the lounge and lawn tennis in the garden — it’s all done with so much charm and energy, you’ll forget it was ever a cliché. The South Downs landscape here is as fine as any in southern England.

Doubles from £135, half-board; parkhousehotel.com

Buxted Park F
East Sussex

It’s posh, it’s Palladian, but, mercifully, this country pile isn’t pretentious. With grand public rooms and 300 acres near Ashdown Forest, it offers space in which to kick back and recharge. The 37 rooms have mismatched furniture, and the seven suites are named after illustrious guests such as Winston Churchill. He would have approved of the extensive dining options, though what he would have made of the in-room “gym in a bag” is another matter.

Times+ offer: get 25% off stays. Doubles from £98, B&B, handpickedhotels.co.uk

Lords of the Manor (G)Lords of the Manor (G)Lords of the Manor
Gloucestershire

The village name — Upper Slaughter — is the only thing that isn’t instantly appealing about this honey-stoned country-house hotel. Rooms named after significant figures in the history of the 17th-century former rectory look out across eight acres of gardens and, beyond, some of the loveliest countryside in the Cotswolds. But with a Michelin-starred restaurant, log fires, deep sofas and an all-pervading sense of homely indulgence, few guests put the free wellies to much use.

Times+ offer: get 25% off stays. Doubles from £199, B&B, lordsofthemanor.com

Congham Hall
Norfolk

It’s only a stone’s throw from Sandringham, so it’s fitting that the approach of this charming Georgian manor is a traditional one. Congham Hall’s owner, Nicholas Dickinson, developed two great British bands, Luxury Family Hotels and Alias Hotels, so he knows how to create a comforting sanctuary. Go for a room with a patio overlooking the garden’s beautiful borders. The dining room is a tad stuffy, but the food is more modern. And the porter will clean your windscreen overnight. As we said, delightfully old-fashioned.

Doubles from £125, B&B, conghamhallhotel.co.uk

Askham Hall
Cumbria New opening

The Earls of Lonsdale used to live here — and, given all the shooting-party photos and the walk-in drinks cabinet (now an honesty bar), it feels as if they’ve only just left. By turns bonkers, spectacular and historic, this newly minted conversion opened in the spring and is blessed with dramatic bedrooms, grade II listed gardens and, in Richard Swale, one of the best chefs in the Lakes.

Doubles from £150, B&B, askhamhall.co.uk

Cromlix (J)Cromlix (J)Cromlix
Perthshire New Opening

Great tennis player, Andy Murray, but what, we wondered when this place opened in March, would he know about doing up a country hotel? Quite a lot, it turns out. For starters, he pulled in Inverlochy Castle Management, the brains behind some of Scotland’s most highfalutin hotels, and he got Albert Roux to oversee the kitchen. The absence of a spa is the only black mark, especially given the glut of leg-stretching walks in the nearby Trossachs.

Doubles from £200, B&B, cromlix.com

Confessions of a hotel guest: how could I solve a problem like Cory? In Cornwall, I applied the rule of three

We were childhood sweethearts, Cory and I. We grew up streets away from each other in the Cotswolds, went to the same primary school, the same university. That said, and despite our long relationship, we liked to keep certain things separate — our hobbies and friends. But one day, I realised we’d taken it a bit further: our bodies were separate, too.

Cory used to fall asleep every night downstairs, and tended to stay there. For five years we were engaged, cohabiting, and we had sex fewer than 100 times. That’s sex every 18¼ days. But I wasn’t bothered. I found the routine easy. Which made the events of the last holiday before our wedding all the more shocking.

To save money, instead of the usual resort, we booked a hotel in Cornwall, on a friend’s recommendation. She sold the place to me with talk of crashing waves and quaint villages.

Feeling as worn out as usual, on the first evening we stayed in our room and ordered food up. While we were eating, it started — the most enthusiastic, bed-jangling noises, coming from what seemed like everywhere. They were, in fact, the efforts of just one couple, in the next room.

We talked over it, watched TV over it, were good-humoured and waited it out. Something about the sounds unsettled me, though, and I felt anxious about our usual bedtime routine. Sure enough, Cory fell asleep in an armchair. Unusually, I wasn’t satisfied with the arrangement, and soon found myself in the hotel bar.

I ordered a glass of prosecco. “You’re not here alone, are you?” came a man’s voice from my right. I turned, ready to explain that I was here with my fiancé, and that he should try someone else. But he wasn’t alone. He was just being… friendly. He was David; his partner was Janine. They were there on a last-minute romantic escape. I tried to paint our trip in the same light, but my words sounded hollow. They asked how my room was.

“Great, but last night, the couple next door… Crumbs!” They looked at each other, giggled and told me their room number. I laughed too. We chatted for ages, and I was sloshed when I went back to the room. Not that my soon-to-be husband would have known.

The next night — our last in Cornwall — with Cory asleep in front of the news, and feeling dissatisfied again, I quietly opened the door and stepped out. Just arriving were David and Janine, practically undressing each other in the hallway. I felt a twinge of jealousy and bashfulness. I tried to look in another direction — any direction — but they quickly drew me into conversation, completely unembarrassed. Being with them felt as easy as it had the night before. They suggested a nightcap. And I just thought, sod it.

Let’s just say that years of suppressed sexual energy made me probably the most enthusiastic participant a nightcap had ever known. They were so lacking in nerves that I soon forgot my own. And, my God, I sounded like a tennis player.

Cory was still asleep when I returned to our room, and never found out about my exploits. Weirdly, I didn’t feel guilty, I just felt alive. And a little cross with myself, and with my fiancé. From then on, I decided our relationship had to change. And it did.

We’ve been married for a while now, our bedtime routine is unrecognisable from what it was before and, as yet, I’ve had no cause to stray to the other side of a hotel-room wall.

Spa: check in, chill out

Our winner: Dormy House
Worcestershire

Most luxury spas fail to grasp that while good design is appreciated, great massage is essential. This 17th-century farmhouse outside the time-warp town of Broadway delivers both style and substance. The spa interiors are cool and spacious, and the therapists excellent. Choose from naughty, nice and nutritious menus at the cafe, hang out at the champagne nail bar (men, too — their demand for manicures is rising) or soak yourself in the alfresco hydro pool before dinner in the Potting Shed pub or the dressier Garden Room.

Doubles from £230, B&B, dormyhouse.co.uk

The Scarlet (B)The Scarlet (B)The Scarlet
Cornwall

Beyond the Scarlet’s striking lobby and high-concept rooms is a spa with a sense of the exotic: tented, lantern-lit treatment rooms infused with the scent of sandalwood. Terraces with loungers big enough for two are great for soaking up the seaside atmosphere. Better still is a spell in the alfresco hot tubs, with Mawgan Porth’s bay unfolding beneath.

Doubles from £195, B&B, scarlethotel.co.uk

 Yeotown 

Devon

For those whose health is in deficit, this boutique boot camp outside Barnstaple offers a way back to the black. Days are packed with activities, from coastal hiking to yoga. Your reward is a soothing evening massage in front of a glowing woodburner. The rooms are elegant and the health-conscious food is so good, you’ll wish the portions weren’t so carefully monitored.

Doubles from £1,870 for five days, all-inclusive; yeotown.com

Ockenden Manor
West Sussex

Who would have thought that this corseted Elizabethan manor in quaint Cuckfield would harbour a starkly modernist, rust-coloured spa? Built into a 19th-century walled garden, the complex has a glass-fronted pool filled with spring water and a swim-through passage into the parkland beyond. On a clear day, opt for a massage in the secret roof garden.

Doubles from £169, B&B, hshotels.co.uk

Hotel Cafe Royal
London W1

Giant crystals, a quarry’s worth of cream stone and scented candles the height of toddlers add up to a serene, if clichéd, atmosphere. You’d never think you were just down the road from Piccadilly Circus while swimming leisurely laps of the 60ft pool or dipping in and out of the steam room and sauna. The hotel offers Pilates classes, boxing boot camps and watsu — a water-based massage that’s beyond blissful. For extra relaxation, all 159 bedrooms have hand-carved Carrara marble baths.

Doubles from £395, B&B, hotelcaferoyal.com

Lifehouse
Essex

This spa and hotel combines the crumbling remains of 19th-century Thorpe Hall with a sharp, white modern complex, and wraps them in 130 acres of gardens and parkland. The green spaces are a therapy in themselves, and the inspirational fitness team love to use them, sweating it outdoors whenever the weather allows.

Times+ offer: get 25% off stays. Doubles from £99, B&B, lifehouse.co.uk

Stanley House
Lancashire

Traditionalists will like the mullioned windows and open fires of the dozen rooms in the grade II listed manor. Others will prefer the 18 contemporary Woodland rooms. (Stanley House has a dozen more besides these). But everyone will love the spa. The thermal suite is surrounded by a pond where ducks chase between the reeds, and the slopes of the Ribble Valley provide a soothing backdrop.

Doubles from £159, B&B, stanleyhouse.co.uk

Lake House
Lake District

Windermere is a bunfight. But Lake House, just out of town, is a peaceful retreat, and a real find: 100 acres, six suites and the Jetty, a sophisticated spa hideaway with lake views that can accommodate only one couple at a time. The place is run by the Cunliffe family, which also owns the award-winning Gilpin Hotel, and guests are chauffeured up to the mother ship for dinner.

Doubles from £295, half-board; thegilpin.co.uk

Rockliffe Hall
Co Durham

A clutch of awards hasn’t led to complacency at this gothic mansion outside Darlington: the enthusiastic trainers are always innovating. Choose between high-intensity interval training and freestyle Latin dance classes, then head to the thermal suite. The 61 rooms are comfortable and the service is fabulous.

Times+ offer: get 25% off stays. Doubles from £185, B&B, rockliffehall.com

Blythswood Square
Glasgow

The spa is set in the basement of this sassy reincarnation of the Royal Scottish Automobile Club HQ. It’s so thoughtfully put together, we’ll forgive it the lack of natural light. The thermal suite is dinky but decadent, the pool twinkles with candles, and we love the local flavour of its treatments — with Hebridean seaweed featuring prominently. Don’t spoil all the good work at the breakfast buffet’s DIY bloody-mary station, will you?

Doubles from £120, B&B, townhousecompany.com

B&Bs: make yourself at home

Our winner: Salt House
Cornwall

A sexy B&B? It sounds unlikely, yet the former BBC graphic designers Alan and Sharon Spencer have managed it with their cliff-edge, wood-clad cube of a house in St Ives. The two rooms are open-plan, filled with Conran and BoConcept furniture, and have walls of window that slide back so breakfast can be taken on the balcony overlooking Carbis Bay.

Doubles from £180, B&B, salthousestives.co.uk

 Kersewell Farmhouse 

Devon

The art gallery is a sure sign that this 400-year-old longhouse outside Totnes is not your average lace-doily B&B. The bedrooms are rustic and restful, bathrooms are state-of-the-art and an oak-framed conservatory downstairs provides the perfect spot to contemplate Dartmoor. Local ceramicists and painters exhibit in the former milking parlour. Be nice to the chickens pecking around the courtyard — the superior eggs benedict at breakfast starts with them.

Doubles from £105, B&B, kerswellfarmhouse.co.uk

Number 38 Clifton (C)Number 38 Clifton (C)Number Thirty-Eight Clifton
Bristol

There are no stingy-sized rooms here. Several of the doubles stretch right through this double-fronted Georgian house, with one room for the bed, the other for a rolltop bath and rainfall shower. The pared-back decor — sisal rugs, Shaker-style furniture, chrome table lamps — adds to the energising sense of space. So, too, the fact that Clifton Down is on the doorstep.

Doubles from £110, B&B, number38 clifton.co.uk

Launceston Farm
Dorset

Rococo beds and rolltop baths create a sophisticated ambience, and the “no kids under 12” rule keeps it that way. Indoors feels elegant, but outdoors this is still a working farm — so don’t miss out on a fascinating tour of the organic beef herd with Jimi. His mother, Sarah, was born on the farm, knows Cranborne Chase like the back of her hand, and cooks a mean Cordon Bleu brekkie, with sausages and bacon from their own rare-breed pigs.

Doubles from £90, B&B, launcestonfarm.co.uk

The Old Rectory
East Sussex

Don’t judge Hastings by its town centre. Bear east, where its stylish side is exemplified by the bleached floorboards, hand-painted wall patterns and antler chairs in this Georgian B&B. A couple of lounges generate a cosy house-party vibe, and breakfast includes home-baked bread and local kippers. It’s a five-minute walk through the clapboard Old Town to the Jerwood Gallery, Maggie’s fish’n’chip shop and some epic pirate crazy golf.

Doubles from £100, B&B, theoldrectoryhastings.co.uk

Artist Residence (F)Artist Residence (F)Artist Residence
London New Opening

This hip 10-bedroom townhouse — sister hotel to the popular Brighton and Cornwall outposts — is an unexpected find on a quiet residential street in Pimlico, five minutes from Victoria station. Works by the offbeat printmakers Bonnie and Clyde and Tammy Mackay brighten walls painted with Farrow & Ball, while reclaimed parquet, French lamp shades and 1950s Belgian tables add a vintage note. There are two cracking basement bars where you can challenge your buddies to a game of table football.

Doubles from £142.50; artistresidencelondon.co.uk

Magazine Wood
Norfolk

In the stillness of rural Norfolk, 10 minutes from the sea at Heacham, Pip and Jonathan Barber have created three plush bedrooms, each with a calm and creamy colonial style. The spec is impressive: double sinks in the bathrooms, Roberts radios, big TVs, cavernous cupboards and even the wherewithal to make your own breakfast. (You can order in a full English from Pip’s kitchen, too.) It’s as if a corner of a five-star hotel has come adrift in a storm and washed up in their back garden.

Doubles from £105, B&B, magazinewood.co.uk

Old Shoulder of Mutton
Derbyshire

Thirsty people, those lead miners. Their little town, Winster, used to house no less than 24 pubs, of which one, the Old Shoulder of Mutton, is now a warm-hearted B&B with a lavender-fringed garden and a 1929 Model A Ford in the garage. Big oak beds dominate all three bedrooms, while the kitchen bubbles and steams to the rhythms of Julie White’s cookery. Her husband, Steve, keeps the car, and is licensed to take you on vintage Peak District tours.

Doubles from £105, B&B, oldshoulderofmutton.co.uk

Millgate House
North Yorkshire

On the street, Millgate House gives nothing away. Open the door of this Richmond B&B, however, and you enter a world of Georgian grandeur and glittering antiques. Floor-to-ceiling sash windows pour buckets of light into the breakfast room, where your full English is served on fine china. The big bedrooms are furnished with handsome beds, while the garden is so fecund, it’s almost tropical.

Doubles from £110, B&B, millgatehouse.com

St Cuthbert’s House
Northumberland

Want a bit of visual drama in your B&B? Then renovate a Presbyterian church. Jeff and Jill Sutheran have done just that on the outskirts of Seahouses, creating a perfect launch pad for trips to Bamburgh Castle and the Farne Islands. The bedrooms have a grand country-house flavour and the double-height chapel is the setting for breakfasts of kedgeree or the full English. There’s an honesty bar brimming with local ales, and keep an eye out for Jill’s music nights — she’s a talented folk singer.

Doubles from £110, B&B, stcuthbertshouse.com